dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
