It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
