Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
