Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
