you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he puts the penis in happiness.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
