It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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