I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
