so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
