she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
