Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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