Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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