hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
