Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
