im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
