yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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