the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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