New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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