i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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