Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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