I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
