that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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