3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He felt like a one man threesome
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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