I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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