Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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