you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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