why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
