everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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