Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
