So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
