omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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