One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
