the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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