Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
