You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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