At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
