White coat. Heels.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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