I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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