Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
