I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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