chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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