my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
