Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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