I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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