I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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