its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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