batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
