She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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