just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
