please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
