Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
