And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
