Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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