I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
